If you’re curious about trying a threesome, you’re not alone. Group sex tops the list of sexual fantasies in America, according to research by Justin Lehmiller Ph. D., an advisory board member at Men’s Health and research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. Men, in particular, often fantasize about multi-partner sex.
Surveys indicate that around 10% of women and 18% of men have experienced a threesome. If you wish to join this group and turn your fantasy into reality, consider the following insights. We gathered advice from sex experts and individuals who have experienced threesomes to guide you through the process.
Personal Experiences
“Threesomes for me are about enjoying another woman with my partner. It’s the shared experience that I value the most. Plus, being with multiple women in one night can be an ego boost.” -Rafa, 34, San Diego
“There’s something unique about being intimate with multiple people simultaneously. It’s not just about fulfilling a fantasy; it’s about the opportunity to cherish two people at once.” -Spencer, 21, Quebec
“Group sex allows for creativity, trying new positions, and focusing on different partners. The dynamic nature of it is exciting, even if someone takes a break.” -L, 22, UK
Considerations for a Threesome
There are numerous ways to approach a threesome, so it’s important to clarify your desires. Consider these questions:
- Do you want to join an existing couple, have someone join you and your partner, or recruit someone new?
- What are your sexual preferences and boundaries? Who will interact, and what activities are acceptable?
- Where will the threesome take place, and what are the sleeping arrangements?
“It helps to connect with communities that share similar views on sex and relationships. Kink and LGBTQ communities can offer opportunities for organizing a threesome. Dating sites can also be useful, but avoid being a unicorn hunter.” -Rafa, 34, San Diego
“My partner and I reviewed each other’s Tinder matches and reached out to those open to a threesome. We discussed boundaries and preferences before meeting.” -Gabe, 30, Cape Town
“Discuss possibilities with your partner if you’re interested in threesomes. If you’re single, apps like Feeld and OKC, along with online communities, are good places to start.” -Daniel L., 40, Queens
Understanding Unicorn Hunting
Unicorn hunting describes when a heterosexual couple seeks a bisexual woman for a threesome. This practice often involves treating the woman as a commodity rather than a person, using deceptive tactics to lure her.
“If you’re only interested in a third person for you and your partner without emotional connection, hiring a professional sex worker might be a better option,” suggests Daniel L. From Queens. This approach allows you to design the experience without emotional entanglements.
The Importance of Communication
Communication is crucial for a successful threesome, especially in monogamous relationships where jealousy can arise. Studies show that setting clear expectations and rules with your partner can enhance comfort.
“Start by sharing desires, fears, and boundaries,” advises sexuality educator Cory Bush, CD. “Everyone should voice their own needs.” This helps address potential issues and set clear boundaries.
Don’t worry about performance anxiety. “Erections can falter in group settings, and that’s normal. It’s more exciting to explore pleasure without focusing on penetration.” – L, 22, UK
“Adjust your expectations if a threesome is a fantasy. They can be awkward initially and may take several attempts to meet your expectations.” -Spencer, 21, Quebec
“Be wary of anyone eager for a threesome but dismissive of setting boundaries and managing expectations.” -Gabe, 30, Cape Town
“If you’re seeking a threesome to rekindle attraction to your partner, other issues may need addressing first.” -Evans, 29, Ghana
“The most important thing is that everyone is genuinely excited. Watch out if one partner is more enthusiastic than the other.” -Emerson K, 21, Kansas
Ensuring a Safe Experience
When entering a threesome with a partner, it’s important to be aware of potential challenges. Jealousy, insecurity, or hidden triggers can surface, highlighting issues in your relationship.
Ensure that your relationship feels secure before proceeding. “Even if something unexpected happens, having a supportive partner makes a difference,” Bush notes. “We need to feel safe physically and emotionally to fully enjoy the experience.”
Don’t let fear hold you back. A threesome can be a fun way to explore sexually and strengthen your connection with your partner(s).
Names have been changed to maintain privacy.